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Hansdling The Issues with Brian Hansbury

Posted Friday, July 3rd, 2009 at 7:12 pm by Brian in Media Buzz. More in 10014

Wacko Jacko Heart Attacko!
Was anyone else miffed this week when the Daily News and Post both decided to miss the opportunity to use the above headline?  For rags with absolutely no principles, this was the worst possible time to pretend to have principles.  After all, these are the folks who brought us these gems…

post-shiite

post-vd

 

Bad Late Night Joke Of The Week
Today the United States is finally pulling out of Iraq.  Iraqis are thanking God they aren’t pregnant and plan on eating pints of Haagen Das and then going for a mani-pedi.  The U.S. military is reporting a lot of chafing, citing how dry Iraq was.  They don’t plan on calling and will probably just send one or two awkward texts before breaking off all contact.  Iraq said that’s fine with them.

crocs
Lifestyles of the Misguided and Unlaid

If You Wear Crocs You Deserve To Die
Mark my words, this woman or someone she knows will be eaten alive in the next five years.  People who harbor dangerous predators absolutely deserve to be mauled to death by them, just like if I continue to wear crocs I deserve unending ridicule.

Some Real F’in Brooklyn Pizza (Header Link NSFW, But Pretty Funny)
Being the true New Yorkers that they are, this week Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew “Shouldn’t I Have A Pretentious Middle Name, Too?” Broderick were delivered two large pizza pies.  They’ve made their own pizza before at their place and really liked it, but this time their oven wasn’t working.  So they hired an oven technician to find the best pizza oven in the U.S. and he found it…in Ohio.  Sarah and Matt brought their own ingredients all the way to the pizza place in Ohio.  Forty-five minutes after arriving back in New York, a frustrated Broderick called the pizza place to ask where the hell was their pizza.  He was told the guy had just left, but since he was on a bike it might take nine months for the pizzas to reach them.  Broderick angrily insisted that he would not be tipping.  We’re pretty sure the pizza place didn’t mind since because of all the extra publicity associated with two big Hollywood actors asking them to cook their pizza, the Brodericks paid the pizza place over a million dollars.  And obviously, with such an amazing oven, it stands to reason that many more celebrities will be cooking their pizzas in this Ohio oven in the future.  Doesn’t surrogacy seems so normal when presented as an analogy to ordering a pizza?

Eschewing traditional Margherita, the Brodericks paid all that money for two lousy white pies.

Eschewing traditional Margherita, the Brodericks paid all that money for two lousy white pies.  They seem pretty happy about it, but remember, they are actors.

And Finally…From the New York Post

“The next ‘tweet’ you get may come from City Hall. Mayor Bloomberg announced yesterday that the city will use Twitter to send out information about such things as alternate-side parking rules, school closures and other government events.”
Some New Yorkers are complaining that the tweets have come off as a little too Big Brother-y.  The most disturbing example reads as follows: “After our Tranquilize N’ Vasectomize program was instituted last April, homelessness has dropped to 0%.”

 
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