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Dating in New York City – Holding Hans with Brian Hansbury: Important Questions to Ask in 2009

Posted Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 at 4:16 pm by Brian in Social Bees. More in 10021

Though it’s an entirely false premise, a new year brings with it new opportunities.  Lost your job in 2008?  Become a consultant in 2009!  Tired of your wife and kids?  Murder-suicide in 2009!  Toyota-thon offers you great deals on a brand new car.  A 2009!

Ignoring my above insanity, there is a lot to be said for the fresh lens through which we see ourselves at the start of the New Year.  It’s a time for summing up, for looking back and for re-evaluating.  And if you re-evaluated a significant other out of your life this season you may be feeling a little rusty out on the dating scene, unable to remember the right questions to ask.  That’s where I inevitably come in handy, supplying you below with a gaggle of questions that are perfect for finding out if someone is right for you.

Do they watch a lot of television?  Are they racist?  Planning to murder their wife and kids, then commit suicide? These are important things to feel out on a first date.  After all, who wants to waste their time on a second date with a TV watcher?  So, don’t try and memorize every question below, just pick and choose the ones that best help you get inside someone’s soul.  Here’s to health, happiness and love in 2009!

Do you get why people like The Wire so much?

Who is your nemesis?

Which television show will most prevent you from climaxing if it is left on in the background during sex, Golden Girls or Everybody Loves Raymond?

Would you say the following statement about yourself is true or false?
I want a life where I own a mansion and have a lot of sex.
I will only take breaks from sex to instant message my friends about my mansion and sex.

Do you think if you were Joe Torre, you’d wear your hat the way he does?  Because even though the hat is too high and overly starched, it suits him.  But once your soul is inside Joe Torre, who knows what you would think looked good, right?

Are you hiding a wife and kids from me and do you plan on murdering them or yourself any time soon?

If you could have sex with one porn star, living or dead, who would it be?  I’ve brought a photo album of porn stars in case none came to mind.

Ten children are dying.  You can only save one.  Only one of the children is of the same race as you.  Which child do you save?  I think the answer is pretty obvi.

If you could only drink milk or chocolate milk for the rest of your life, which would it be?

Who would you rather?  Hitler or Ghandi?  Judging them solely on looks, I mean.

Let’s get real, is Stedman just Oprah’s beard?

Do you stand directly in front of subway doors as they pull into the station?

At Whole Foods, do you go straight to the express lanes or do you see if the lines in the regular lanes are pretty small first?

The only poem title I know besides “The Raven” is “Mending Wall” by Robert Frost despite having never read the poem.  Do I watch too much Jeopardy?

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